Leading A Miserable Life…no more…

Leave me alone darkness,
I ain’t friend of yours no more,
I touch, hold you ago not now,
Get somewhere else, but not with me,

Leave me alone my past,
I care no more about it…
Please go, just leave me alone,
Why names of mine still surrounding me?

Leave me alone my ‘title’,
I ain’t him no more,
I ain’t like ‘THE’ attitude no more,
Life blissful, now with curse,

Leave me alone Words
There you are, here again,
Destructing what had I built,
Demolishing what is perfectly nice,

Leave me alone…

I ain’t Casablanca no more…

Dear history,

Especially the one in black color, I do not mean to be racist, I do not mean to be bad, but you all have to leave me alone. you guys had been haunting me for long, really really long, you guys keep on repreating yourself in my head, in my ear, and my mind, please, please, leave me alone, I try to start a new one here, I try to have a new life here, but you guys keep on bothering like this, it really is not a good thing, and I hate it really much, people would say, forget the past, do good for present and plan best for the future, but you guys keep on dragging me back, how am I suppose to move forward although I had been trying very hard? so, please…

leave me alone…

I hate been bothered like this…

Or history, you are going to push me off the cliff in real life, until when I am at the other side, nobody would cares until than?

I had decided to re-write inside here, well, I might have another blog outside, but who cares, I will do fine both, readers, c’mon, drop more comment here, or the other way, http://ivanjoachim.blogspot.com, I might not be updating to satisfy every hunger but I am updating as fast as I can…readers…ready for the quote that got into my mind that got me start to write whatever sh*t inside here…?

"treassure your ass, it might stinks, but you are nothing without your ass"

so do not see your ass as something disgusting, they are as important as your brain, that’s why people say, "KICK HIS ASS!!!" instead of saying "SQUEEZE HIS BRAIN!!!"

Aint the ass more VIOLENT?

As I was driving on the road alone,
The weather was bad,
It was raining heavily and aggressive lightings takes control,
Everyone’s rushing home, except me…

I wonder around, without a exact place to head,
Was wasting time on the road to wait for something,
Lightings roar louder and louder,
I was amazed with it and makes me think of another thing,

She was all that I have in my mind,
The happiness of having her in my life…
The remedy to all pains and sufferings,
The only paintings which curved smile on my face,

I recall back all those that we had done,
How beautiful and sweet those moments were,
Recalling back, how we start everything, how dramatic it was,
And I know…from that moments onwards, nothing else matter other than you…

Since the time you hand you, yourself to me, I knew something,
I knew that, nothing else shall ever matter again, other than you,
I realize that, nothing else shall ever be more important, other than you
Sweet memories ever, yesterday, tomorrow and days will come,

Another lightings strike, when I was into all those thoughts,
What a beauty…how amazing is God…
Somehow, it equalize you…
Accidentally, I relate everything to you…

A beauty, you are…and praise to the Lord, whom creates you,
Your kisses were so strong, so hot…
Making my heart beats like jumping out,
And all of this, I relate back to the condition I am in at that time,

Loving you…
Its like being struck by lighting…

P/s:and it is still striking…

Lighter:
-Ivern Joaquin-

    Its been ages since I really clean my room, after I messed up everything like really, really messy… since I am single back in those days, do not really care how my room look like, like dumping place ka, like rubbish bin ka, like cacat punya room ka… as long as there is place I can sleep, I can put my computer and place to play my Ps2, I am happy with my life. As it is shown in my picture, can see how really messy is my room, how messy is my desk and everything… But everything will be change now…

    After I got HER in my life, everything seem to be good, although I am such a lazy sloth (an animal which has long arms and legs, moving so slow…sorry, it is really really slow, you can check the video out in you tube "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAHACe0uc64"), going back to my topic, I was as lazy as the sloth, never really bothers bout what is happening or what is going to happen around me…so, I really do not care bout how messy is my room really is…

    But she kept telling me this and that about my room, than I got myself an answer, why I got sinus…herm, the dust…so I tell myself, I must clean my room, as clean as I can, throw away those things which I need to throw and sweep, mop and everything! And on that cleaning process, every family members which pass by my room, surely they will take a look and than ask me, "are you okay?". I know I do not really clean my room like that often or really put all my effort into cleaning but at least lar, I know how to clean my own room, herm, my cousin even worse…"ko, are you sick? or it is just me? I wonder what they have in mind…but than, its okay. Finally, I done everything now, am tired but happy as well, I hope she would be happy when she saw it, because I do not really clean for myself, I clean for her as well, herm, but than, suddenly something weird appear my in mind, "I don’t feel like home.." I do not know why, hmm…

cleaner after been ordered
-Ivern Joaquin-

    I am now as happy as I could never be more happier than this, I shall nor more living up my life soberly like what I used to be, no more emo stuff, no more sadness, no more tears…nothing at all, but only Love! Becuz I got her, I ain’t going to really reveal anything here, but just writing something here to say, I am really happy, really going to burst into tears whenever I think of the way she agreed to be with me, gosh~ First of all, I really want to thank God for giving me such a big opportunity to grow up and to get to know that, this world ain’t used to be like Adam and Eve them, whereby they were really made for each other…but in the reality world, now! you gotta get your own when you want one! well, thanks for those whom keep on telling me that I should move on and live up life like an ordinary guys, well, brothers, homey, sisters!, friends, thanks a lot, if I am without all your words and support, I ain’t got enough balls to get all the courage to tell her that I like her…and not enough courage to explain how much I really want her, like hell…

    And this whole paragraph, I am dedicating this, for the only her, I really wanna say thank you that you dare yourself to take the risk to make the edge-falling move, I appreciate it a lot, and I am going to appreciate it like more than I ever does, I am not going to tell lies like what I used to do, I am not going to leave my words empty like an empty big box, which contain exactly nothing inside, I am not going to go or leaving anyway without you, cause I really can feel the pain of missing you and the sweetness of thinking of you, although something, I might not satisfied you through my attitude but I am putting all my effort on the table to change just for you, every morning I woke up now, I get you first in my mind, when I go to bed, saying my prayers, I am going to put you on the very top of the list, just to let myself remember that, you are much more important than anything else… after finishing all my prayers, I lie myself down on my bed, I recall back whatever we had done, recall back especially your laugh, its crazy and its striking my mind every time I think about it, but I know, at least whenever I hear you laugh around me, I get to know that you are happy around me, after thinking everything, I pick my phone and view through all those messages that you had send to me, especially those, saying to you miss me loads, thats what make me smile every time!!! thanks…than I go to bed, as soon as I can, because I was hoping that I could see you again…in my dream…

    Now life, is beautiful and correction for the last post…life was not perfect than, but it is now…and it is going to be…for a very very very very (uncountable times) long time…

p/s: I seriously, madly in love with you

Changed completely
-Ivern Joaquin-

My Life ain’t going to be fu*king perfect anymore… damn~

    Tomorrow, is the day that I had being long waited, after so many times it had being postpone, finally, the day is here, the COMPETITION is here! After around a year I had being not playing for any competition, finally, was back with my boots, playing as a mid-forward, the most important aim, is to win, by scoring! But how far could I go, I would not really know, for because, it had being such a long time… and now, unlike last time, I am going to play without "support", my main support, last competition that I had joined was 28/5/2006…a very date to remember, cannot, and almost impossible I could forget… now, I will be playing, which only could stand on my very own feet, without any back up from my back, nothing such as sms, words, no, nothing to make me grew stronger inside…   

    But I had said to myself, I told myself that, I should and I could do it, although I am without any extra strength, I could go to ‘war’ all by myself, I ain’t weak until like that, I could do my own stuff…I could settle my own problem…now, and for ever more, only fate that I would trust, other than that, nothing else that matter to me, whatever happen, I’ll let it be…cause I know…its God’s will to be done, not my will… and send all my words, my thoughts, my life and me myself, all to Him, and putting the whole faith that, He will get everything in the hard way for me, to meet Him at the very end…

    Football, my main objective now, not going to think anything else, more than the sport, second would be my study, not going to go anyway if, I am without knowledge, thirdly, living my life like I suppose to be…only me, and Him know whats all behind this, what is for sure, I am moving on, I am really moving on… I am not going to stay here, not going to look back what had happen, God ain’t creating chances for me to get her back, no, no, no…God is teaching me, how to judge a good, and a bad thing…God is teaching me to differentiating things…and I pick up a bit late…but at least, I am picking up something…

    I got my aim…I got my motivation, I got my plan, I know what, where am I heading, I got me, myself as the support… friends around me, they are a part of me, as the mental support…I can move on, in no time, just some more time to adjust myself, some more time to let the bad wound heals…than, everything would be back to normal, everything!!! today, dated, 08-September-07, I told myself, said to myself, I am moving on….

-Appreciation granted to all those keep on telling me everything!-

Mover
-Ivern Joaquin-

    Friends, in our life time, friends always came in at the very first place, friends play a very important role in our life, could be say, the most important part of our life…but could anyone ever asked themselves, how really this, person we call friend, important in our life…?   
   
    I start of with myself, friends, for me, are divided into many parts, in these many many parts, not much of them really could die for you, not really much of them, look over your back when you are on some shit, not really much of them really can read your mind, know your heart and predict your next actions. To be really honest, I had being let down by my own man, pretty much time already, I let go of myself, I forget bout my life, forget bout my own safety, forget bout my everything, just to save his life, but in the end, he pay back shit back to me…well, that might be his style of payback, I never know, but that really, (though it may sound girlie) but, it really hurts me…

    I told myself, I could never really believe in my friends anymore after the incident which I consider is really bad, really sucks…I told myself, I might be stabbed once, but never would be twice…but not long after that, I had being stabbed again, this time a girl (she is not hot, pretty or whatever, so do not misunderstood). She lied to us…getting us the wrong date line for our assignment, but than in the end, she did manage to pass up, while leaving us behind and telling the teacher that is OUR FAULT, in other words, she is just trying to save her own ass, thats very "nice" of her…second biggest stab…

    Not to count those small small stuff, this two big case already make me feel shit in my mouth already, ever since all of those incident, I do not really pay attention to my friends, only on important stuff, than I would get involve, other than that, owh…I gotta say I am very sorry that I cannot do anything for you… until this one time, whereby I get quite close with this guy…where now is my best friend…ever… he is on the very first in my featured friends… he could do anything for me… anything and same goes here… Dude, I dedicate this post for you! (one more thing, the both of us, like chick more than those normal guys do, so again, we are absolutely not GAY!!!). after I found terry, than I know, still and again, friends is still those which we cannot get rid of from our life…cause, LIFE…it contains a letter "F", which actually is friendship…

finding true friends
-Ivern Joaquin-

    Football season had just started, EPl is on the way, many other matches also had begun, so is the fever, millions of the great sport fans started to feel the sickness of it, a sport which link, connect to a lot of people… is the only one can create the sickness… and I am one as well… too bad for Man Utd fans, first match was a nightmare, but I pray and I hope, things would not last like that, I hope Man Utd again can raise the Trophy and to be crowned CHAMPION again at the end of the season…
    Was quite happy for today, but disappointed at the same time, was selected to represent my university (SwinBurne) for some competition on this coming weekend, after had being left out for so long…finally, was back with my boot on… was training with all my might today, try hard to catch with my stamina since I smoke, (although on the process of quitting), trying to go more aggressive with other player, was quite good for everything, until I sprained my calf…(Fu*ked up), now, walk like a cripple, but what to do, when pick up to be active at sport, this kinda risk is really unavoidable… hope I would be fine at this weekend…or else, I would really…really, don’t know what to do…
    Talking about boots…I was wearing my Nike Total-90 tonight, was the oldest boot since I started playing futsal, instead of wearing my Nike Vapor… I found out that, Total-90 still fit me the best, for all sorts of ball, for all sorts of passing, and also running…and it reminds me of something, the boots was bought by someone very special to me, but she is no more longer here with me, although it had being a very long time… but I still feel that, the old one, still fits me the best…